Brenda was a coalminer's daughter, born into a modest and no-nonsense household of good and capable people, where the standards were set by a strong Mother, hardworking Father and a supportive Grandmother.

Life was not easy, but the rule-set was: honesty, hard work, respect for others, and always help people if and when you can. In those days death was a common caller in mining towns and villages - accidents were plentiful in the industry, and the sense of community it wrought was strong - self-help was all there was - and people had to look to each other.

The neighbourhood where Brenda lived was tough and she didn't have an easy time. From being very young and throughout her life she had a continual fight with eczema. Sometimes people would be cruel to her, and I don't mean just children, and all these experiences greatly tempered her approach to others and life in general. I don't think she would mind it now if I were to describe her as something of a street fighter - with compassion. If there was an underdog, a wrong doing, some injustice Brenda would be there speaking out and taking action if warranted. These characteristics came from both her Mother and Father, who were both deeply engaged in the community. They simply believed in fair play, a rightness and obviousness of life, and some level of moderation in the way people should behave.

For the most part Brenda did not really enjoy her school years until the latter stages when she began to shine and excel. She was naturally modest and always, in my view, greatly underestimated and understated her capabilities.

For a short time she worked in a hardware store, which she described as a 'four candles' establishment. She then moved onto a chemist shop, which she greatly enjoyed and learnt an awful lot from the proprietor, one Mr Bastowe - a very colourful Yorkshireman with an extensively blue vocabulary!

It was while she was working for Mr Bastowe that I first met Brenda in August of 1965 and it was kind of love at first fall so to speak. I was 19 and she was 16 - we were at a judo club in Mansfield - and she just walked over and laid me out - the rest as they say is history.

It was clear to us both that this was going to get serious pretty fast as we both wanted a family. So I started my life long struggle with education and Brenda joined the Post Office and became a telephone operator. And for the next 6 years we worked hard and saved money and eventually married on the 2 May 1971 and Brenda Cheetham became Brenda Cochrane.

At that time I was a poor student living in London and Nottinghamshire and Brenda worked for Roneo Vickers and then Vyella to earn enough to get me through University.

When I graduated in 1973 our first daughter, Catherine, arrived almost immediately and within a few weeks we'd moved to Ipswich where I had started my professional career with BT. We lived on the Chantry estate at that time and were very happy together - so happy that 15 months later our second daughter, Sarah, arrived and Brenda became a very dedicated and industrious Mother.

She did everything for the children and me, and life still wasn't so easy, but we both worked hard and Brenda always made sure that we had good food and she looked after every aspect of the family welfare. Brenda also engaged with the wider community at the playschool, school, brownies and church. In 1980 we moved to a very sparsely populated Martlesham Heath to cut down on my travel time across Ipswich. Ironically it was then that I started on an international travel schedule that continues today.

I didn't like being away from home, and I still don't, and neither did Brenda. It seemed perverse that we wanted to be together so much and were very often forced apart by the needs of family and business. But she got on with the job and so did I and soon our first son, Richard, arrived in 1981, to be followed by Paul in 1987.

Throughout this time Brenda was working with everyone - the school, brownies, guides, cubs, scouts, church, playgroup. She had developed many skills - lasagne for 45 within 2 days notice, beef burgers for 20 in an hour, cakes and sandwiches for 50 - no problem. And looking after my widowed Mother for 10 years whilst bring up a family of 4 children plus me - she just took it all in her stride.

There were many facets to Brenda and being her husband was an awful lot of fun. When we could I would take her on trips abroad and sometimes she would even attend some of my business meetings. All I can say is that her intuition was remarkable, if not infallible. She would often see through to the kernel of a problem, which usually involved people, and then she would come up with a solution. Here was someone who didn't need modern management theory and behavioural science, just the appliance of common sense seemed to suffice!

Back in the 1970's we made some simple decisions and one was to have one of us work and one to look after the family, to keep the family static and stable, whilst I became an international nomad. In the 2000's we might now do it differently, and who knows what the outcome might have been.

I don't have to tell you about Brenda and her work in the community, her caring for people and generosity of spirit, you all saw it and many of you were involved. What was not visible was how she treated visitors to our home and these included overseas students, academics, travellers of all kinds, strangers and friends, they were all made welcome, and very often with no warning, and at very strange hours.

I cannot describe to you the support she gave me and our children every single day, she was always there, and I didn't have to worry about anything. Without Brenda I could not have achieved, and could not have done and realised what I have, and neither could this family. We were a team and we worked as one, and now I hold the batten alone.

Brenda's battle with cancer started over 2 years ago and she determined that we would continue life as normal; we would tell no one the true depth of her problem and the real risks involved, and we would not let it impact the children or any of our actives. For the most part she looked so well that most of you probably didn't even realise she was ill. After 2 major operations in 2 years, from which she made remarkably rapid recoveries, she was finally overcome by a massive stroke on the 10 November last. Whilst this stroke crippled Brenda's left hand side, she kept fighting to recover. Everyday she was down in the hospital gymnasium with the physiotherapists and gradually recovered some of her former strength. Only 4 weeks ago we managed to get her home for a few hours at a weekend for both a Saturday and Sunday.

Brenda was incredibly sensitive and intuitive about her own body and she had realised that her time had come and the end was close. So when I revealed this to her, she looked me in the eye and calmly said 'I know, but I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would be upset.'

I don't mind you knowing that the past 8 weeks have been very difficult, and as a family we have all been tortured, and I have to say, it has been a severe test of my resolve. Without the strength of Brenda and the support of my family and friends I would have found it impossible.

Without Brenda my life as I have lived it would have been impossible, and our family would have been very different, but now we have to go on within the framework she built and the standards she set. And that is exactly what she wanted!

I tried to think of a motto, or a one-line epitaph for Brenda and it seemed to me that 'love before everything, and others before self' just about does it.

Today we are all here to say goodbye to a remarkable human being, wife, mother and friend. And I am both pleased and proud to see you all here today and to say thank you for all your friendship, kindness and help.

But most of all I am proud to say that I was (and still am) the husband of Brenda Cochrane.

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